Culture Relationships

How to Detect a Poisonous Person and not Let Them Ruin Your Day?

Iwas watching Diane Von Fürstenberg reality TV show The House of DVF, these were old episodes being aired as the show ended in 2015, in the episode seven contestants were picked to compete with one another to become DVF brand ambassador, two contestants accompanied Diane to Paris as assistants during her work for Madame Figaru magazine. While continuing to watch there was one contestant, which I will call ‘C’ who constantly tried to overshadow another contestant on the show which I will also call ‘L’, the things ‘C’ did, trying to overshadow her competition did not serve her very well, on many occasions she would interrupt ‘L’ while speaking, besides ignoring her ideas and opinions.

Seeing these interactions between these two reminded me how similar this situation was to me with someone, whom I would like to call a ‘poisonous person’ which I had to deal with many years ago when I was enrolled at this MBA program (which I eventually dropped as I realized it was not for me and enrolled in another one), the story was, there was this classmate who was a member of my project group, I remember she would say to us out loud how she was not interested to make friends with us and the only thing she cared about was the grade and passing the class successfully, with the most discomforting voice and attitude ever.

This made me think, who are these poisonous people and how can we deal with them?

Vanessa Van Edwards tells us how to spot them in the first place.  Here are some of the signs that says this is a poisonous person, so watch out.

  • Conversational Narcissist, this is a person that can’t let you speak or participate in a conversation when talking to them, Vanessa describes them in a video by saying; they don’t ask you any question, which shows how their lack of interest in you, and they also do not shut up, these people Vanessa warns to watch out from as they won’t attend to your needs as a friend.
  • The Control Freaks, these are people who want to control what you do, what you say and even what you think, these people freak out when you disagree with them and keep want to convince you with their point of view. They are known to be Nagy too.
  • The Positivity Suckers, they are sad and always have something negative and bad things to say.
  • Dramatic People, they always talk about crisis, when one ends starts another, something is always wrong, these are who look for your sympathy, empathy but never your advice. Vanessa describes them as people who thrive in crisis as they feel important.
  • The Jealous Judgmental person, these are people who have tremendous internal self-hate where they can’t be happy for others. I have to admit, this one really took me by surprise when I learned that their jealousy comes out as judgment. No one is ever enough and everyone is lacking.
  • A Lier, there might be a person you always question what they say, watch out they might be a poisonous person.
  • The crusher, this is a person who does not take any one’s feelings or ideas into account and always puts him or herself first, in a relationship, according to Vanessa, these are people who are arrogant, and they think their opinions as facts.

I think ‘C’, the contestant at the ‘The House DVF’ belongs under the last category among the poisonous people traits, she tried really hard to crush her competition in the show, dismissing her feelings but her actions were noticed by Diane Von Furstenberg and her team during that episode and it was not tolerated, at the end she was asked to amend her ways.

Now, each one of us might face while going on in their daily life such people who reduce the quality of their life, their work, or their day. We should learn how to stand-up and face these people and try to give them the smallest space within our lives as possible. Avoiding them is key as they for sure don’t deserve a place in our existence.

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