Watching the movie “He’s Just not that into You” might have been educational and
somehow a documentary like about men’s psych for American women audience. To Arab women living in the Middle East, it was probably a nice movie something that can be categorized under the romantic comedy genre that’s because relationships and courtship dynamics or let’s say how we meet our significant other is completely different. The couples scene in the Arab world is full of contradictions and conflicts so weird that one can’t make sense of it. Does he want to be with me or not, or what does he want in the first place?! Normally, things can fall into three categories in relationships, despite the disapproval of many but Arabs do date so relationships can be either:
- A very open girlfriend-boyfriend style relationship especially among the less conservative circles, it does not necessarily end up with getting married, they might be both young and don’t want to commit after all.
- A relationship where both end up getting married.
- What about the third kind of relationships when you are dating this guy but still you feel confused and can’t know where your relationship is going, or worse if you don’t know if you are in a relationship in the first place (that’s a whole different discussion).
Let me start by saying, currently, a generation of young people in the Middle East has gone and still going through a great deal of cultural evolution, modern lifestyle vs tradition and religion often contest with one another. Issues like he wants to marry his girlfriend but does not want to disobey his family especially his mother by not marrying the girl that she chose for him is a problem that often rises. Still, times have changed where our guy has developed his own preferences, today men and women’s interaction in the Arab world is not restricted to a circle of siblings and cousins as it used to be, our guys are leaving the country to study abroad, traveling for work or to do business, if not, he is exposed to what the media has to offer.
Where do single women stand from this storm of conflict, well, the best we can do is try to find someone who wants to be with us, and not waste our time on those who don’t, YES, I said it, Don’t Waste Your Time. Here are signs that he does not want to be with you:
- I used to read that if a guy does not introduce you to his family after some time of knowing one another that means he is not that into you, well, not so much in our Middle Eastern societies, being discreet about your girlfriend might be normal, but if he does not talk to you at all about tying the knot and if that’s what you want, run away, you may feel hurt, but it will be much worse if you stay. Again find someone who wants to be with you.
- He says he is still building his life and can’t afford a wedding. The thing about our Arab societies there is so much creativity in making a wedding happen and in buying house furniture and stuff that fit the budget. If he wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Besides in our Arab world, we have developed an alternative financial system that works effectively to meet our needs which is taking loans from each other especially our relatives, although I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask others for money still it does happen all the time.
- The worse relation of all, and yes I do know some very smart, career driven ladies who have fallen into this, that’s when she feels her relationship status says something like “Confusing”, he acts as if you are together but does not say it loudly, probably this is his way of not committing, giving himself a window to escape, I remember someone I used to work with who was in a relationship with this guy whom all of a sudden the guy disappeared and stopped taking her calls, she thought something must have happened to him like a car accident or he might fell into a coma or something, but Nope, that was not it, after being able to reach him, he told her he was getting married and when she asked him “What about Our Relationship?” he said “What Relationship?”, Wow, what a convenient time to have amnesia. The point is if you meet one of those try to figure out his intentions and after you do and find it is not good for you, Run! He does not want to be with you.
My aim is to give an idea, a sisterly advice that might help you to choose wiser, today, even in our most conservative communities the mobility of women and her visibility has become a normal way of life whether at workplace or at university to get an education, and with this mobility comes interaction with the other sex, so it’s better you approach your life with a knowledgeable mind rather than as the proverb says “A Blind Cat”.